Empowerment sans guilt

Been studying natal fitness as I go through my own first pregnancy, and the content penetrates. From the page to my pelvic floor... Here I am lifting at 35 weeks! But the real challenge:

My bod is all-powerful but also no longer all-mine

Reading stats re: impact of exercise & nutrition during this period is both inspiring and unnerving. I feel like I can do so much for this future human, just by drinking water, eating clean, going for walks, getting my blood pumping, and sleeping. I feel like a mammalian comic-book hero, nurturing new fucking life in my very own flesh. But then maybe I eat a bunch of candy or feel anxious about a thing, and I get a second wave of visceral guilt — every input, echoed.

It is strange to no longer know where your boundaries and balance might be. You used to be able to do this, but now your joints are unreliable. You spent your first trimester in nauseated limbo, is it any wonder you’d then want to treat yourself somewhat delicately? From the very beginning, friends and loved ones want to carry your bags, save you the walk, do it for you. Yet at the end of this period awaits a challenge more physically demanding than most otherwise experience (plus years of child/gear schlepping to follow). What a lovely paradox!

So here I am, still lifting heavy shit but with greater awareness and deeper breaths, still pushing my heart-lung system to perform under stress but with longer rests and less jerkiness. And while there is so much out of our control, I will say I have yet to experience (knock on wood) back pain, swollen limbs, or excessive weight gain. I can be strong without having to be a saint, I can take care of myself and the baby at the same time, and I must ultimately trust, as always, what feels good deep deep down inside.

What’s your take on this fertile challenge?